Dear Alex, why you will never get married
You asked if you should get married. I said sure.
You asked if you should just find someone to marry. I asked, How do you think that would work?
You said you will go on some dates and just commit to someone. I asked about love.
You said men do not fall in love.
This was sad.
I asked are you sure? You said no. Maybe men fall in love. But you hadn’t, and you’ve been on 300 dates, and maybe there were a few you could have loved, but in the end, you didn’t.
I said this was sad.
I said maybe don’t get married.
The people in love—they are not faking it.
It is not a fake thing that they are doing. They did not decide they want to get married, and then found someone, and then said yes, this is it.
You need to be open to the idea of a life long partnership—you need your heart to be open to let the right one in.
But then once you are open to feeling you still need to feel it.
There is no reason to get married, because you feel like you need to. What of it?
What do you think it is for?
You marry when you want to look after somebody for the rest of her life.
You marry when you can’t imagine your life without her.
You marry when you don’t want her to leave.
You marry when you love the thought of having her children.
You marry when you want to spend every day with her, and you don’t want her to go home at the end of the night.
You marry when you want to.
There is no other reason to marry. What benefit is this to you?
Maybe you can make a smaller promise.
Maybe you can promise to look after her, until she finds somewhere else to be.
Maybe you can promise to pay for her medical treatment, if something were to happen.
Maybe you can promise to keep the baby, if she got knocked up.
Where are you in the negotiation?
Maybe you do not want to negotiate with God. Maybe you do not want to promise forever, until death do us part, with God as your witness. Maybe you cannot forsake all others, as long as you both shall live.
What do you want to promise? And what do you hope to gain?
You want somebody to love you. How hard are you willing to love someone else? How hard are you yourself willing to love? How hard are you willing to love yourself?